The Ballad of Roger
by Little Eunice

Roger was a drifter
No friends or family
He lived in the park on the edge of town
Underneath the old elm tree

Roger liked the simple things
Climbing trees and such
But some people didn't seem to like
Roger very much

Polite he was, and kind to all
Devoid of petty loathing
But some folks found offensive
That he preferred to wear no clothing

Calls were made and letters sent
Objecting to the crime
Roger was arrested
And served a few days time

The case was made, the verdict stayed
When appealed to higher courts
Roger was sentenced to life in prison
Or life in boxer shorts

Roger's life was little changed
Despite his covered ass
He still climbed trees, ran after squirrels
And munched on lemon grass

Chorus:
Roger Oober, tell us all
What's the writing on the wall
Did he jump or did he fall
Should I raise or should I call

Can you see, can you abide
What is on the other side
Help us out with greed and pride
It's all been broke since grandpa died

Roger Oober, Roger out
Can't tell you what it's all about
But when your cabbage turns to sauerkraut
The sun will rise without a doubt

With the angry people off his back
Roger settled down
There was a pleasant balance
With the people of the town

Roger was approached one day
By some people young and nice
They'd dropped out of society
And needed some advice

Roger didn't know what to say
He'd always lived his life that way
He asked them please to go away
But they decided to stay and stay

They cooked him food, did his laundry
And followed him around
They said they only wanted to watch
As he made his daily rounds

They wrote down everything he said
And everything he found
Roger couldn't imagine
What was so profound

One day he up and asked them
Why they didn't go away
They said that they were lost before
But, through him, they'd found their way

Roger said, "am I a compass?
I do not understand.
How much more common do I have to be
To be the common man?"

(chorus)

His following grew in number
And he felt more and more disturbed
If this went on much longer
He just might get perturbed

But one night three young women
Approached him as he slept
And massaged his body with oils
As they chanted, sang and wept

When Roger woke that morning
He felt like pumpkin pie
With an oily sated body
And a sparkle in his eye

He decided that if everyone stayed
It would be alright
As long as those young women
Would come see him every night

The women grew in number
And Roger's interest grew
In becoming all their mentors
And certified guru

(chorus)

Before long he had children
And a thousand mouths to feed
People had come from miles around
To procure Roger's seed

Roger soon discovered
That he didn't get out much anymore
He was always in his tent
And he was getting pretty sore

He tired of women
And he tired of the fame
He tired of the fatted calves
And gold all looks the same

So Roger made a plan
He had made up his mind
To steal away at midnight
And leave them all behind

He sneaked away unnoticed
Wearing nothing but a smile
Found a road and followed it
A couple hundred miles

He found a town and settled down
In the finest park that he could see
And laid his head on a grassy bed
Underneath an old elm tree

(chorus)

Roger was a drifter
No friends or family
He lived in a park on the edge of town
Underneath the old elm tree